on bruised knees in the void of my own stomach, i never really wanted to lose the hook. from the very first time i sucked that devils dick, i swallowed down euphoria with a smile i never knew i owned. 

drawn back to the aroma therapy candles that romanticize that three day old piss smell. i smiled till my face cracked, i smoked till my lungs froze. i came back so often that most times i didn’t even bother to leave. 

i invited the cheap motel room gag of past dirty inhabitants, wiped their filth away with my mouth. let my lips wrap seductively around that hollow shaft like i was being photographed for an obscene magazine. 

free basing crystal meth with the natural ease of a high priced blow job, i know what it is to have a two day long orgasm from foil and a rock… 

…suddenly i realize-i am every whore to lie in this bed before me, and the only lesson i’ve learned, is to never say never! 


it was so sweet. 
it was luscious. 
it was a french kiss from the inside. 
it was a car crash. 
it was a return to me. 
a finding of who i really am. 
it was an inhale exhale intercourse that i could not get enough of, but paced myself anyway.
it was love.
it was everything i’d been missing and more. 
it was milky, creamy and smooth. 
i relished in it and tried not to feel guilty about just how happy it made me, really. 
it was sexy. 
it made me feel beautiful, beautiful for the first time in a very long time. 
it made me feel graceful. 
it made me feel better. 
it was soft and almost fragile. 
it was a plane crash with no survivors. 
a culmination of everything that i thought died in me, resurrected like a phoenix from the ash. 
it was a slow rise. 
it was dense in its embrace, and carried me inside myself. 
immediately it became my secret. 
clean and crisp, folded up in my pocket. 
each line telling truths. 
like how this could be the beginning of the end of me. 
and how i hope it’s not.